Written by Morse
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Police, Crime, Florida

Thursday, 9 September 2010

image for Police Blotter Reports from Pahookee, Florida
Police Blotter in Local Paper is Aways Hot Attraction To Catch Up with Friends!

Sheriff deputies responded today to a remote trailer park after receiving a 911 call regarding a suspected illegal entry. When they arrived a young female, 26, said she had been tricked into having sex with a stranger after he told her he was her long lost cousin. "As soon as he pulled down his pants and started doing it I knew it wasn't Clarence," said the duped woman. The investigation continues.

A local constable detained a young boy, 14, cycling erratically down a darkened street after midnight dressed in all black clothing including a black dew rag over his head and face. While detained, the officer searched the lad and found 27 baggies of marijuana and some residuals of crack cocaine in his jeans.

The youth claimed the pants weren't his, and he was released into the custody of his grandmother until his mother, who went out for a drink last week, could be found.

Sheriff deputies were forced to employ tack strips on the sidewalk of McCormick Boulevard last night in order to stop a stolen golf cart traveling at high speed.

The driver of the cart, 87, said he had just borrowed the cart from a neighbor to run down to the ABC Liquor store to 'get a pint' and was in a hurry to get there 'before it closed.' When notified that the ABC store stays open all night the man got belligerent and had to be Tasered and restrained before being returned to the nursing home two blocks away.

Four officers were required to respond to a disturbance at O'Rileys Pub on Shannon Lane last evening where a UK tourist was causing a row. The argument started when the customer claimed the bartender was cheating him by pouring beer with large heads and that 'the fooking stuff is too cold and not proper beer, mate!"

Luckily cooler heads prevailed when a group of other tourists from London, Connecticut, intervened and took the fool under their wing and bought him a few pints just for good will and because they enjoyed his accent.

A recent parolee was re arrested last night at the Hung Fuey Chinese Restaurant after he attacked the waiter , the cashier and the chef.

The man, 27, who had just attended an anger management class as part of his early release, said the food was fine, but his lucky numbers were the same he wore on his prison uniform causing him 'flashbacks.' He was taken in for 'evaluation' but is expected to be sent back to jail for 'additional counseling"

Make Morse's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 plus 2?

8 12 4 24

Go to top ^