Written by AlexGoneWild
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Topics: Shopping, Local

Tuesday, 7 September 2010

HARLINGEN, TX - Local 7-11 convenience store clerk, Oshira bin Habib has finally made peace with his life after nearly 19 years in his position. "I had hoped to make an impact on the world in a memorable way", Habib lamented. "I suppose I was just never destined for more than the pitiful life of a convenience store clerk, but hey what are you going to do?"

Habib, who emigrated to the United States from Saudi Arabia in 1991 had hoped to open a daycare center primarily due to his love for children. Unfortunately, due to limited financing and his inability to stay focused on his goals, he was forced into working at his cousin's convenience store within the first few months. "I hated it here", Habib remembers. "Always mopping and stocking, stocking and mopping. It was like being trapped in a hell; a virginless hell. I felt like a slave and the Squishy machine was always breaking down and those kids coming in at all hours day and night making messes, stealing the beer or even smashing bags of chips on the floor - you name it, those kids did it. No one cares about me or this store. No one ever has. They have no reason to because I'm the person people tell their kids not to end up being. Sucks, but it's true. Now, even though I say 'thank you, come again' I really don't mean it. Back in the day I used to care about getting respect, but now I care about nothing." Habib said. "I am such a pathetic tool."

One time about eight years ago after some punk infadel dumped a 44oz drink on the Donkey Kong game I just suddenly started sobbing uncontrollably right there in front of Allah and everyone. It was so embarrassing for me and after that, all I could think about was wanting to blow myself up and take as many people with me as I could." Habib continues, "I even had nightmares about flying a plane into the store, you know? Real sick stuff."

Fortunately for Habib, he began to grow numb to his lot in life over time and became somewhat comforted by the mindless routine of working shifts at the convenience store. "Sure, like I said I was ready to declare a jihad on these thankless bastards, but I held back and let part of myself just die I guess. It seemed like the easier thing to do at the time", Habib said. "Knowing that I was incapable of changing the circumstances in which I found myself really helped me to start letting go and accepting the fact that I could be doing this clerk thing for a long time. I always held out a little hope, but not much and now after almost two decades, I've accepted that all hope is gone now. I am going to die in this place for sure. Screw it."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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