Written by Charpa93
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Topics: Republicans

Thursday, 2 September 2010

image for Seersucker Suit Sales Up Among Republicans, Unlike my Points
Republicans claim this is reason Democrats losing in polls

It has been a long hot summer for every politician campaigning for seats in the US Senate this year, but the Republicans have found a way to keep their cool, if not in temperament, at least in fashion.

Cotton seersucker suits, long praised for their moisture-wicking capabilities are all the rage with both genders in the Republican Party. John Boehner (R-Ohio) in fact says he would be lost without his complete seersucker wardrobe. "Why I own several pairs of seersucker Bermudas which I believe have helped considerably in enhancing my golf game. They are especially effective in keeping my crotch area dry and sweat-free, alleviating the need for additional jock itch cream. And I wouldn't be caught dead at an evening fundraiser without wearing my lucky blue-striped seersucker suit with my matching straw boater hat."

Michele Bachmann (R-Minnesota) agrees. "On the campaign trail, things can get pretty heated, especially when I'm giving a speech (ha ha). I wouldn't be caught dead wearing anything other than my three-piece Vera Wang exclusive seersucker suit with moisture wicking underarm seersucker pads together with my Manolo Blahnik espadrilles. Of course, my suits cost considerably more than the ordinary seersucker suits available at Sears stores, but you can't beat the staying power of a good anchor piece of clothing."

Most Republicans believe that their affinity for seersucker may actually be behind their rising poll numbers of the Democrats. Michael Steele, Chairman of the Republican Party, had this to say about most Democrats' wardrobes, "Democrats have walked away from seersucker this past summer season, opting instead for the cheaper polyester blend suits. Nothing could be more damaging to a politician's career than wearing a fabric that is notorious for showing underarm perspiration stains. This is indicative of a party that is out of touch with the sensibilities of their constituents. I mean, seriously, how can you take a Democrat seriously when they stand in front of you giving a speech in a hideous olive-green or tan crinkled polyester suit?"

In contrast, at a recent Republican fundraiser in South Carolina, the dining hall was a sea of crisp seersucker. One attendee claims there were so many blue seersucker suits in the room that you couldn't tell one Republican from the next. When we reminded him that regardless of what Republicans are wearing, that is pretty much the way things are anyways, he simply replied, "Oh yea, right."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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