Written by Wulfmeister..er
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Topics: Police, Hollywood

Monday, 18 April 2005

image for Hollywood Installs Surveillance Cameras
Eat your heart out, London. Now we have our own!!!

LOS ANGELES, CA -- The City Council has approved the installation and use of surveillance cameras in designated street corners within the Hollywood area. These cameras will be used by police to supplement the work of their street patrols and help deter crime.

"Oh, it's a great thing to have," said one of the police officers being interviewed back in headquarters as she sits in front of a bank of five monitors representing different cameras that are placed at traditionally high-crime areas all across the city. "We get to make sure we keep a close eye on certain elements of the population with the least amount of resources. It's like being in several different places at once."

Asked if she thought the expense of tens of thousands of dollars to install and maintain the cameras justify their use when the same result can be obtained by having existing units patrol the area, she responded, "Absolutely. One good thing about this is that these cameras free us to do the real important things while we 'watch' the monitors: things that we normally don't get to do before like play solitaire or minesweeper or Doom in the comfort and privacy of our Control Room during company time are now possible. We can also pay our bills online, join a chat room or upload our photos to an online dating service all the while scaring the low-lifes into thinking that they're being watched all this time, so there's the added benefit of a deterrent effect, 24/7."

Several of the low-lives have confirmed police claims of the cameras having a deterrent effect on their livelihood on subsequent interviews. "Oh, no doubt about it. My agent warned me to take care never to have gratuitous pictures of me plying my trade unless they offer to pay for the privilege, and I certainly don't expect to see these cops walking around with open checkbooks anytime soon."

"I definitely concur," agreed another of the low-lifes, "aside from the danger that constant camera-time would leave us overexposed and less appealing to producers and film studios, we also would now be forced to spend several extra hours putting on make-up and getting our hair done just so we can look our best for the cameras before we even start our day, and that's just too much work if all you're going to be doing is sell crack all day. Forget that."

The City Council has scheduled a news conference later in the day to announce that based on initial data gathered, the crime rate has dropped to zero since the installation of the police surveillance cameras at the street corners in question.

In an unrelated news, the City Council has just announced that the crime rate has increased 100% a block away from all the intersections with cameras during that same time period.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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