Written by anthonyrosania
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Oil Spill, H R block

Thursday, 29 July 2010

image for H&R Block Hires Disgraced BP CEO Tony Hayward: "How lucky to find Block. I'm great at not responding to disasters"
H&R Block's new logo will be introduced with the new slogan: "H&R Block. We Sh-t on People."

H&R Block has surprised absolutely no one by hiring embattled BP CEO Tony Hayward, just weeks after the resignation of CEO Russ Smyth, and the hiring of former / current /soon-to-be-former CEO Alan Bennett.

Hayward, the public face of British Petroleum when the company put a hole in the world and couldn't cap it, decided to leave BP (with his $930,000.00 annual pension) and never work again.

Until he began researching H&R Block.

"I couldn't believe what I was reading," said Hayward, from his yacht in the part of the Atlantic Ocean that he didn't ruin. "The skill-set needed to be an H&R Block CEO is right in my wheelhouse."

"H&R Block demands that you don't react to threats to profitability: I can do that! Block demands a lot from its rank and file employees, while executives can f--k up crazy. Any doubt I'd fit in there??"

H&R Block's Board of Directors universally OK'ed Hayward's hire, based on his answer to one interview question:

"We gave him a hypothetical question: 'What would you do about Turbotax siphoning off Block clients?' said Block Board Chairman Dickie Breeden. "His answer was brilliant!"

" 'First, I'd have a giant containment structure built. And, if that didn't work, we'd use explosives, then golf balls, and old tires, and giant booms made of hair' he said."

"Frankly, all of those ideas were nuts," Breeden said, wiping sweat from his brow with HRB stock option certificates. "But it's better than anything we came up with."

Make anthonyrosania's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

Stop - Warning

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature.

This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

To confirm you have acknowledged this warning, and wish to continue to read the article, please click the following link.



Otherwise, please click here to go back to the home page.




Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 plus 1?

4 15 2 6

Go to top ^