Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Arizona, KKK, Jan Brewer

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

image for Arizona Governor Jan Brewer Wants The Ku Klux Klan To Leave The State Immediately or Risk Being 'De-Hooded'
Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio working undercover at a gay plumbers convention in Phoenix.

TUCSON, Arizona - Governor Janifellatia (Jan) Brewer has just informed The Grand Exalted Dragon Wizard of The Grand Imperial Order of The Knights of The Off-White Bougainvillea, Rayford "Whitey" Giddykoontz that she wants him and his group of quasi racists to leave her state immediately if not sooner.

She stressed to Mr. Giddykoontz that they should have stayed in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, instead of coming west to her state which is one of the most peaceful states in the entire United States.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Actually Brewer has her facts sort of effed up. Arizona, according to Larry King, is actually the 49th most peaceful state in the union. The least peaceful state is Alaska, and that is because of the Eskimos who get drunk on weekends, get to fighting, and carrying on and before long they end up lighting up big old Cuban cigars and accidentally melting down their igloos.]

Governor Brewer said that before the KKK moved their headquarters to Tucson, the city and the state were both such a lovely, quite place. She said that 97.913% of the illegal aliens had either all moved back to Mexico; East Los Angeles; or Mexican Hat, Utah.

Brewer said that she is extremely puzzled as to why the white supremacist group would want to be in Arizona since there hasn't been a black in the state since 1959, when Tyrone Jackson, Jr., accidentally moved to Phoenix from Detroit.

She said she remembers her father. Otis "Bubba" Brewer, talking to other bigots, I mean citizens, who all got together, pitched in, and helped Tyrone move on over to San Francisco, California.

Brewer chuckled when she said that two weeks later, Tyrone was back. But this time her daddy and his pals pitched in and helped Tyrone move to the most isolated jungle in Lower Zamgola, Africa.

"Whitey" Giddykoontz said that he did not care to hear about a National Geographic story regarding no Tyrone feller. He said that he and his 17,000 member KKK chapter would be staying put in Tucson.

Giddykoontz said that they all liked the nice hot weather, even though it did make them sweat like motherless mother friggin pigs underneath their hoods and robes.

He also added that his wife, the lovely, sexy, and cornbread baking award winning wife, Vera Pluminina Giddykoontz, liked shopping at the different malls, which unlike the ones in Tuscaloosa also sell women's things and not just guy stuff like fishing poles, rifles, bullets, wading boots, deerskin condoms, and camouflaged boxer shorts.

The governor informed Mr. Giddykoonntz that if his group chooses to stay she will put in a call to Maricopa County Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio and tell him to gather up his deputies and drive over to Tucson and de-hood every last one of the KKK members.

"Whitey" shook his head and said, "Well now Miss Brewski, or whatever your freakin name be. You best tell "Pinky" to tell dem boys to pack a lunch cause we will all be's here a spell...a might long spell."

In a related story. Giddykoontz spoke to a reporter for The Tucson Ornery Oracle newspaper and stated, "Now little dude, let me makes it abundantly clear dat, dat ugly lookin dishwater blonde bitch Brewbreath ain't be talkin to no Tyrone fella. Summa my KKK boys actually has got their GED's and most can even read two syllable words real pretty. So we ain't cornbread dumb by any stretch of da imagination ya hear. And please spell my name right. It be Whitey with a W.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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