Written by ScottyG
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Topics: School, University

Friday, 15 April 2005

image for Yale University Revamps Recruitment Strategy
Seven years of college down the drain!

As elite high school students around the country have their mail boxes filled with college brochures, a letter from Yale University will always draw extra attention. The Yale name won't be the only thing drawing attention now, as the University's new campaign slogan will certainly raise some eyebrows. "Come to Yale: The Harvard of Connecticut!" reads the headline over the new brochures sent out by the venerable New Haven institution. Debate has gone out around both campuses over whether or not this is an attempt at humor by the school, or if they are indeed waving the white flag and finally accepting the fact that Harvard is the superior university.
At Harvard they are rejoicing in the fact that Yale has seemingly bowed down and accepted their inferiority. Groups of students basked in the sun at Harvard Yard, several wearing "Yale was my safety school" t-shirts. "They've always had a complex about us, it's nice to see they've finally come to grips with where they stand," said Chester Hollandsworth '06. Harvard University president Larry Summers got into the act too, as he continued to harp on his recent controversial comments. "Well they (Yale) have the highest enrollment of women in all of the Ivy League, so it's no surprise their reputation as a top academic institution continues to fall," said Summers.
Yale students and faculty had varying opinions of the new campaign. A passing student who refused to be named offered this opinion: "I pay more than $30,000 a year to come to this school and I want them to have some pride. They might as well put first is the worst, second is the best, etc. etc. as our next recruitment technique if they keep up with this garbage." University Dean of Students, Richard Levin, had a more jovial take on the matter. Levin reasoned the campaign by saying "Our marketing team threw out the idea, and we thought it was amusing and eye-catching. We know our school has a more comedic side than most of the Ivy schools. For example, data shows that last year 71% of our students voted for President Bush, now if that doesn't show an ironic sense of humor in the student body, what possibly could?"
Some Yale students admittedly agreed with the new slogan. "Lets face it, Harvard's the best. I wanted to go there but got wait-listed. Just look at the movies based on each school, they've got Good Will Hunting, we have The Skulls (1&2), if that doesn't sum it up what else could?" said another anonymous Yalie. Melissa Harrington '05 added "I'm just happy we're still the best in Connecticut, but New Haven Community College continues to make strides so we'll have to make some changes for the better in the future."
In discussing this recruitment strategy with Yale's marketing staff, it was asked how a school which boasts ties with the last three U.S. presidents could declare itself less than the best in the nation. This question was met with laughter and the response of "Come on! If you were looking for schools to attend, and our literature said attend Yale and you'll get the same respect and education as alumni like George W. Bush, do you really think that would work?" Only time will tell if this campaign is a recruiting success, until then the University will work on possible slogans for next year. "Yale University: Now with free candy handed out by naked students every single day!" just might be appearing in your mailbox by this time next year.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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