Written by Jonathan Wain
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Topics: bp, BT

Sunday, 25 July 2010

It was with complete bewilderment that many people woke up to the news that British Telecom is to be summoned to a US congressional hearing to answer claims that they played a pivotal role in the release of the Lockerbie bomber. This is despite the lack of any apparent motive or evidence for the involvement of the Telecommunications Company in the controversial decision to release Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi.

Luckily an insider at the administration has shed some light on this confusing development. The source, who wishes to remain nameless, claims that it was in fact BP that were meant to be summoned to the congressional hearing, but due to a typo on the original paperwork the American government is now pursuing BT instead. "It was a small error but the government feel that they can't afford to admit the mistake. So they are now relentlessly pursuing BT".

A statement issued by the US Congress vehemently denied this take on events. "The suggestion that the US government is pursuing BT because of a typing error is laughable. We have strong evidence that BT was lobbying the Scottish Parliament for the release of Mr Al-Megrahi and we plan to produce this at the appropriate time."

BT Left Reeling by Allegations.

A spokesman stated that the company was "shocked and confused" by the allegations. "We simply can't understand anyone could link us to these events, its mind boggling".

Whatever the truth in this matter the negative publicity is already having a catastrophic effect on business. As well as causing a massive fall in their share price the company is also experiencing a mass exodus as thousands of their customers switch their internet and land lines to rival companies.

Rumour has it that even the Queen, who is said to have been a loyal BT customer for many years, has switched her landline to TalkTalk. Many people are now watching to see what the reaction of Mr Cameron, allegedly also a BT customer, will be.

BT must be hoping that this is all resolved quickly, since a protracted investigation can only have the effect of crippling this British institution.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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