Written by P.M. Wortham
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Friday, 23 July 2010

image for Dweebs, Geeks, and Virgins Gear Up for Comic Con
Comic Con costume winner from 2009.

Costume and fabric stores were on high alert this week, as throngs of predominantly male, over 30 nebbishes, rushed to complete their favorite super hero suit in time for the Annual Comic Con International convention in San Diego.

With red, electric blue and yellow satin fabric colors selling out first, some fans were left to construct costumes out of seersucker and plaid fabrics. Jeremy Wexler, 37 from Chicago, called himself The Celtic Wonder and showed off his home made kilt and sash, complete with super hero utility belt and calf-high black boots. "This is the coolest costume ever", said Wexler.

"Secretly they all hope to get laid, or at least noticed", said Comic Con promoter Dean Hanniford. "Somehow they manage to leave their insecurities back at home and live the life of a fictional character, at least for a couple of days". Hanniford pointed towards the crowd, "Except maybe for that guy in the powder blue Seersucker jumpsuit."

Hanniford admits that the bulk of attendees are male, but a few women dress up for the event as well. "They get swarmed by geeks though. From an overhead view it looks like flies buzzing around a sugar cube". Despite the strange blend of costumed attendees who are completely void of any social skills, they represent the heart and soul of Comic Con. "We grow by leaps and bounds each year. In fact movie producers are now choosing to launch new projects at Comic Con, because the geeks immediately text their friends, if they have any, and generate a buzz for the movie before release".

The event was marred on opening day with a Frisbee fight between two men, reportedly men anyway, who claimed to be the real "Tron Man". With similar white body suits and painted hockey helmets, the two engaged in a bit of a slap fight before security and Mr. Hanniford stepped in. "The original Tron Man was the actor Jeff Bridges, now you two phonies take your fantasy outside", yelled Hanniford.

"What can I say? I'm a geek." Said Hanniford, feeling as if he needed to explain how he knew so much about an obscure movie from 1982. "I still have a home made Superman cape hanging in my office. Faster than a speeding bullet!" Hanniford was heard to snort following a brief moment of dweeby giddiness.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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