Written by anthonyrosania
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Topics: TV, Jersey Shore

Monday, 19 July 2010

image for Jersey Shore Cast: Overpaid Italians Strike in New Jersey, Stereotype is Perpetuated.
JWoww: "You've won this round, make-believe white chef hat. Well played."

Like a scene from "Lifestyles Of The Indulged and Self-Congratulatory," the Italian-American minstrel show "Jersey Shore" was forced to stop production when the players went on strike.

The cast --who in two years will be lucky to appear at a grocery store grand opening in Duluth for $200 and a boxed lunch-- is so unhappy with their current contracts, they refused to shoot scenes for the upcoming third season until they get a better deal.

The cast -- Ronnie, Pauly D, JWoww, Sammi, Vinny, Frankie The Wop, Louie Ha Ha, Johnny Sausage and one of JWoww's rib-balloons, told MTVs they weren't shooting without new contracts.

MTV has stated publicly that, "the cast of 'Jersey Shore' have valid agreements with the network. If they refuse to follow our filming schedule, they will be in material breach of their contracts. We will respond accordingly.

JWoww, the cast's shop steward, also went on record with their position: "Oh my f--king God, those f--king a--holes are so full of f--king shit. What the f--k contract are we f--king talkin' about. Yo, all them motherf--kers can eat sh-t."

Interestingly, for the first time in her life, bulbous, tangerine-colored punching bag Nicole "Snookie" Polizzi is actually going to honor her contract.

An attorney for MTV's parent company Viacom, under the condition of anonymity, stated, "these untalented sideshow freaks are getting paid handsomely for allowing us to exploit their idiocy and passionate desire for fame. These jerkoffs' 15 minutes are over, and if they don't honor their deal, we will sue them back into the Stone Age.

Sources close to the show tell TMZ the cast feels they can make more money fellating shore-going soccer dads for two months, rather than filming the show.

An attorney for the cast declined to comment, and then stuffed a .45 Colt under his chin.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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