Written by Angus Denandra
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Topics: Drugs, School

Wednesday, 23 March 2005

image for Alaska gives drugs in schools an "OK"
Alaskans take a new approach to try to motivate kids to stay in school

Alaska-- Last Tuesday morning the people of Alaska voted on whether there should be drugs in their school system or not. The poll was a very close one but the "Yes" people won with 52% of the vote.

One student from Bartlett high school said, "This is great, I now pop pills every morning in second period. "

Another student from A.J. Demond elementary school told the spoof, " I used to have to suck up the hang over every morning in my third grade class. Now, with the new law, I can just raise my hand and politely ask the teacher if I may go to the bathroom to clear my head. Its great!"

Superintendent of the Anchorage school district, Robert Malone said, " We are hoping that this new way of life in schools will keep more kids in class. We will have less ditchers because school will be more interesting."

Every morning, students are now happily getting their things together to get ready for school.

One mother said, " Its great, my kid is learning so much responsibility, I wish I had this opportunity as a kid. He is so motivated to get up for school in the mornings, he sets his alarm clock by himself, gets up around 6:00, sniffs a line of coke and is ready to go!"

Bush yelled out to the press Saturday, " They can not do this, we are throwing them all into jail and sending England on their sorry anti religious butts. God bless those children and what they must be going through."

The children of Alaska seem to have no problem with the new ways of life in school. They love doing drugs.

In three years, Alaska will get a chance to vote to try and become an independent country.

" We don't need this horse shit ", screeched long time Narrow Valley resident Tim Hotchkiss. " If my kid wants to get stoned, if he, well if he needs me to get his dope for him and that's what's gonna keep him functioning in school, then I am darn right ready to get some dope for him. "

Meanwhile the Bush Administration is raising taxes to raise money for a war on Alaska.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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