CALIFORNIA -- Just one day after being put on the market, Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch has been sold. "We were delighted to inform Mr. Jackson that we were able to sell his home is such a short period of time. Michael Jackson asked us to keep the asking and selling prices confidential and we will honor his request," said the real estate agent as she attached the Sold!" tag on the sign in front of the Neverland Ranch gate.
It has been widely reported that Michael Jackson was in a serious financial crunch due to his lavish spending habits and lifestyle. Last month's bill for umbrellas was said to be over $25,000 - an that's not counting the salary of the boob that carries Mr. Jackson's umbrella. Many of Michael Jackson's employees have not received paychecks since before his molestation trial began, and tempers were wearing thin. With the sale of Neverland, the hundreds of bodyguards, yes-men, servants, and various hangers-on will finally get a paycheck soon.
With just seconds to spare before having to appear in court this morning, Michael Jackson spent 20 minutes chatting with fans and supporters in front of the courthouse. "I'm so glad I didn't have to sell any of the rights to the Beatles music that I own! It looks like I wont be needing such a fancy ranch for at least ten to twenty years, so selling it was the best thing I could do."
"We love you Michael! God Bless you Michael!" shouted the crowd.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch the new owner of Neverland started moving his things in. "I've always loved Neverland Ranch and Michael. I promise to take care of the place and treat all the children who visit here with the same care and love that Michael showed them," said Pee Wee Herman. I don't think I'll be inviting any of the young boys to sleep over any time soon, but what's the harm if we just take some short little naps during the day?"
Pee Wee Herman has made plans to dig up all the thousands of flowers at Neverland and replace them with nice plastic flowers. His tasteful decorating plans are being discussed with Martha Stewart and Carson Kressley.
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