Written by Charpa93
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Friday, 11 June 2010

image for Extortion Plots Pouring into FBI
Bag Used in Switch at Aruba Airport

Word travels fast in the criminal world. Since word of Joran van der Sloot's arrest on charges of killing a Peruvian woman, the more intriguing back story of his ability to bilk $25,000 out of the FBI by promising to tell them where Natalee Holoway's body could be found is becoming legend among alleged murderers whose investigations are still pending.

Said one FBI secretary, "we have been inundated with calls from criminals who are wanting their share of the mother lode, as they call it, to come up with information for much-needed cash. What we need these would-be informants to know up front is that it takes time to come up with the cash, what with requisition forms and what not, so we are asking them to please be patient with us."

Meanwhile, said one informant, "I got hoes who depend on me for their livelihoods, not to mention all my gambling debts. It would be nice if the FBI could hurry up the process. Being on the run takes money and can really up the stress level, you know. Look at that Sloot guy. Sure he had $10,000 up front to travel on, but sheesh Louise, $10,000 doesn't go far at all at the blackjack table, and while he's sitting there losing more and more and wondering if he can safely hit the $15,000 in his bank account the FBI says they put there, he gets antsy and people start asking questions. It's no wonder he went off on that poor woman."

While some say the FBI is partially responsible for the Peruvian woman's death by bankrolling van der Sloot's killing spree, many others are saying that the FBI needs to step up its game and pay off as many of the extortionists as they can to prevent another death. Said one attorney defending his client on alleged multiple murder charges, "Charlie is fine when he gets what he wants, and right now he wants money to drink and gamble. If the FBI gives him the money he needs to do this, he promises not to kill again. How much more proof do you need?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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