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Sunday, 6 June 2010

image for Losers of Miss Hideous USA to Contest Final Results
Pissed: Second Runner-up, Miss Mildred Gates

"Nah, that bitch ain't all that," Miss Mildred Gates, the Second Runner-up and winner of Miss Hideously Ugly Arkansas, bitterly complained during a post-pageant dust-up involving several of the contestants. "I'll be takin' this to the top!" she angrily asserted waving her hands up and down whilst snapping her fingers fiercely.

Though many have described the situation as embarrassing, to say the least, the central controversy of this past weekend's Miss Hideous USA pageant has some contestants suggesting that the ultimate winner isn't deserving of the crown.

Adding fuel to the fire, this year's Honorable Mention recipient is echoing the second runner-up's allegations.

"When two of the three judges are complimenting the eventual winner, like, prior to the pageant by saying things such as: 'oh darling, you wear your ugliness so well;' and, 'but your ghastliness is just so adorable;' and, 'you sure are beautiful on the inside;' then, it's pretty obvious the judges were looking for, and found, beauty within the pageant winner!" she demanded beating her fist on the table. "Hello! That ain't what this pageant -- why is everybody down on ugly all the time!"

Miss Gates agreed. "Yeah, I heard that shit too!" she reacted, inadvertently releasing a dribble of tobacco juice from one corner of her mouth.

However, the winner of the repulsive contest, Miss Kye Cummins, sees things a bit differently.

"I think all of the judges did a wonderful job," a glowing Miss Cummins declared gently wiping a tear from that large, trademark hairy mole on the side of her nose.

"I think it's all sour grapes," she boasted as she was escorted to an after-party by some hunk. "They just need to get over it already 'cause I done won this one, honey. Mr. Trump: Here, I, come."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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