Written by Amethyst Ryder
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Saturday, 29 May 2010

image for SuBo fans don tinfoil hats
Ground Control to Major Tom: Put your helmet on!

Fear spread like a virus amongst the members of the self-described Greatest Only-est Online Susa-show on Earth (GOOSE), an online social networking community for people obsessed with their idiosyncratic versions of Susan Boyle.

"GOOSE IS UNDER ATTACK!!!" blared a subject line in 72 point red lettering. The inaugural post of the thread went on to state, "Our best intelligence indicates that ULTRAVIOLET RADIATION is being transmitted from somewhere in the vicinity of the Arctic Circle!! And aimed DIRECTLY at EACH and EVERY FAITHFUL member of GOOSE! And EVEN at SUSAN BOYLE HERSELF!!!"

An ad hoc Emergency Response Craft Patrol immediately responded to the crisis by posting 537 comments in the thread. After 9 hours and 42 minutes of discussion, debates, threatened bannings, and profligate flame wars, the members of the Patrol adjourned in order to go shopping.

As outlined in the concluding posts of the thread, members of the Patrol drove to craft stores in their respective locales and bought all of the red foil in stock. The Craft Patrol has since busied itself crafting protective headgear for all of the faithful at GOOSE.

"Another anti-Susan conspiracy, foiled!" crowed Caffeinated Canary, posting a photo of himself wearing his new red foil hat.

Susan Boyle Herself could not be reached for comment, but was rumored to be hiding somewhere, anywhere, from the GOOSE delegation seeking to personally present her with a piece of the "custom" headgear.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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