Written by Charpa93
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Topics: Texas, Rush Limbaugh

Tuesday, 18 May 2010

image for Texas Consults with Rush Limbaugh on Textbook Changes
What? Slavery Never Happened?

The Texas Board of Education, whose majority members are of the more conservative Republican persuasion, has voted to make substantial changes to the Social Studies curriculum in their schools and to re-write the textbooks that accompany that curriculum.

In a vote of 10 to 5, the board also voted to approve having radio host and political pundit Rush Limbaugh serve as chief consultant on the project mainly because they believe that "Limbaugh's Institute for Advanced Conservative Studies" is the ultimate source for much of what they wish to teach young minds in Texas and ultimately the entire United States.

"Said Esther Sessions, board spokeswoman, "first of all, the most radical change in textbook content will be to infuse Christian values back into the 'leaning' of history. We refer to this as 'Christian leaning,' not learning, as it leans back into the type of studies God originally intended. Rush Limbaugh's knowledge will significantly enhance the leaning taught through our new curriculum."

Following these guidelines, the textbooks will look radically different. For instance, every chapter will begin with a Bible verse such as you might see on the handouts you receive in church. "Lord knows there is a verse to suit every lesson, and if we can't find a verse to fit the lesson, we'll re-write the lesson to fit the verse," said Sessions.

The first chapter of the book, in fact, is based on the book of Genesis and teaches creationism over evolution. "Man did not evolve but was created by God, and every person is a direct descendant of Adam and Eve, or Cain and Eve or Abel and Eve," reads the first paragraph.

Rush Limbaugh's influence permeates every part of the book, from a discussion on who the real founding fathers were, i.e. Thomas Jefferson, because of his views on separation of church and state has been replaced with confederate heroes such as Stonewall Jackson and Robert E. Lee, to modern-day issues such as American exceptionalism, illegal immigration, deregulation of corporations and financial institutions, and the loosening of gun control laws.

Said Limbaugh of the project "I've never been prouder to work on anything in my life as I am this textbook. I am working with some of the greatest conservative authors in Texas who have the uncanny ability to take any historical fact in American history and mold it into a conservative lesson in order to bring our youth to a better understanding of what this country was truly based on. It is a sight to behold."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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