Written by Don Fulsom
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Topics: Tiger Woods

Saturday, 8 May 2010

image for Tiger Mounts Sleepwalker Defense
But honey, I's sleeping.

Fornication-addicted former golf great Tiger Woods confessed today that he doesn't take responsibility for boning any the women he reportedly boned because he was asleep during all of his reputed 220 sexual encounters.

"I knew nothing about whatever happened, and it's all because my dumb, damn stupid doctor gave me too many Ambien pills. And he didn't even warn me too much about mixing these sleeping beauties with Vicodin and Booze.

"I think not being on these those pills and alcohol anymore has hurt my golf game, and not getting those injections from the controversial Canadian doctor has certainly hurt too."

For a change, Woods did not speak from a script and he could not be stopped from jabbering incoherently, a result of taking too much methedrine and coke to wake up from his Ambien-sleepwalking, he suggested.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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