Washington, DC - Americans who have not filled out their census forms yet, could be in for a shock this week. Census workers are hitting the streets and taking aim at anyone who has neglected to fill out the form. The penalty for not filing the census is death, usually from a bullet right between the eyes.
The census is performed once every ten years, by order of the Constitution. The Federal Government needs to know how many citizens it has, for voting and for taxation purposes. Many conservative Americans feel the census has become too intrusive, and have not completed the census this year. Their reward will be an immediate execution.
Census workers are trained to be polite, to be good listeners and to have good aim. Executions are conveniently performed right at the front door. All census workers carry .357 Magnums are they try to make the executions as pleasant and as painless as possible.
The Federal government feels that anyone who does not fill out a census form, really doesn't exist. Census workers and sent out to make sure that non-existence stays permanent.
Kathy Borg is a census worker, and has already performed over 100 executions this week.
"We already know who you are. Not filling out the form just makes it easier to kill you." said the glassy-eyed federal employee. "Resistance is futile."