Written by Morgan Truce
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Topics: Police, Security

Tuesday, 1 February 2005

image for Darth Tater Escapes Root Cellar; Wreaking Havoc Across Countryside !

PAWTUCKET, RI (AP) Rhode Island State Police were called in to investigate a break out at Hasbro, Inc. According to Hasbro security officials, Darth Tater broke out of the company's potato bin in the middle of the night. Toymaker Hasbro is the manufacturer of the famous Mr. Potato Head line of children's toys dating back to 1952. The company had been cooking up the new Darth Tater for the past several months.

"We are very upset about Darth Tater's escape from our potato bin. We usually lock up the potato bin at the end of the workday. Just how Darth Tater escaped from that bin is under investigation, but it does appear that Darth Tater beat up Mr. Potato Head and then ran off with Mrs. Potato Head. We are pleased to report that Mr. Potato Head is resting well and is expected to make a full recovery from his beating."

"We were planning on releasing Darth some time in May - just before the May release of ‘Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith.' Now we are worried that Darth Tater might go ahead and reveal the plot of the yet to be released movie."

The State Police have put out a statewide alert for all Rhode Island residents to be on the lookout for Darth Tater. Mr. Tater is described as short and stocky, with several potato eyes, wearing a dark cape and helmet, and carrying a light saber.

Darth Tater was supposed to be sold in toy stores for approximately eight dollars this spring, but there is no telling what the market will bring to anyone capturing the little fellow during this pre-release stage. Citizens are warned that Darth Tater is armed and is to be considered very dangerous. Make no attempt to poke him with a fork. If you spot darth Tater, call the State Police immediately. Swat teams armed with special light sabers are ready to do battle with the little fellow and will make every effort to return him to the potato bin without bodily harm.

Mr. Potato Head says that he will be glad to get Mrs. Potato Head back and will not ask any embarrassing questions.


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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