Written by C. Cranium
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Topics: Police

Saturday, 17 April 2010

image for Cops catch bad guy by the balls
Jeremy Sandcastle incognito in the Philippines.

In a joint operation Seattle Police and the FBI have arrested super Ponzi scheme perpetrator Jeremy Sandcastle by GPS tracking his testes. The FBI got the first break when a federally approved wiretap caught an interesting call between Sandcastle and his sister.

Prior to this time Sandcastle had been missing for three years and believed to be in Europe or maybe the Philippines. Years before Bernie Madoff made the news Sandcastle bilked investors out of several billion dollars in the Puget Sound Investors Fund (PSIF).

According to a reliable FBI source the phone call disclosed that Sandcastle had testicular cancer and was in Seattle for new and experimental radiation treatments. Radiation, a common cure for testicular cancer, uses a Linear Accelerator that aims radioactive waves at the offending cells. The Linear Accelerator is kind of like the Particle Accelerator in Lucerne only smaller.

Less common is experimental treatment where computer chips are inserted into the testes to help better target the cancerous cells. And this fine point was realized by rookie Seattle cop Matt Law who was a nerd and knowledgeable about radiation treatments from his father the urologist.

Law reasoned that the chips in Sandcastles testes could be traced and located via GPS technology if they knew the frequency. Further research identified only two manufactures of the testes chips and from there is was easy to track Sandcastle.

The Seattle Police arrested Sandcastle at outside Ivar's Fish House on the Seattle wharf. One moment he was feeding the seagulls his chips and the next he was handcuffed and the cops threw all his meal to the birds. Caught by the balls to pay for his past infractions.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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