Written by David Cumti
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Topics: Iraq, Summer

Tuesday, 25 January 2005

image for Girl Scout Troop Levels in Iraq to Increase Through 2006

SUMMER VACATIONS TO BE PHASED OUT

The Pentagon revealed plans to keep 25,000 Girl Scout troops in Iraq through the end of this year, with additional forces to be deployed in 2006.

Troops will begin serving back-to-back yearlong rotations before earning a two-week leave period. Officials said the increased troop levels revolve around Iraq's upcoming elections, and the need to "protect a fledgling democracy."

"We're very happy with the performance of our Girl Scout troops in securing high profile sites such as church bake sales, lemonade stands, and the soccer fields of southern Iraq," Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said. "In fact, several Girl Scout troops were on the ground in key sites before the beginning of the war."

Rumsfeld was referring to an elite group of Girl Scouts tasked under the Pentagon's Strategic Support Branch, which has been in operation since October 2001. Designed to decrease the military's dependency on the Central Intelligence Agency, the elite unit of Girl Scouts have been praised for their role in providing valuable human intelligence, or "humint," which pinpointed the location of Uday and Qusay Hussein.

"I cannot emphasize enough the importance of credible intel which our Girl Scout troops provide," the Defense Secretary said. "Working in small and mobile teams, our Girl Scouts represent the best of the best. Never before have we deployed forces that are unmatched both in their lethality and their ability to sell such tasty, delectable cookies."

In fact, President Bush has retracted his request of an additional $80 billion for the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, saying that the Girl Scouts will take care of it.

"The budget need will be filled on the sales of Samoas and Thin Mints," the president said. "They're already on the books for selling $75 billion, and another $15 billion still hasn't been collected. To me, that equals $100 billion."

Experts attribute the success of the Girl Scouts to their skill in moving door-to-door through urban areas while simultaneously being able to communicate in undecipherable code words and phrases. Though annoying to parents in the U.S., this trait has proven invaluable on the battlefield.

Girl Scout Patrol Leader Brittany Landes said her experience overseas has been exciting but difficult.

"I've met some nice people over here, and also some mean people," she said. "But I can't wait to go home. I don't want to miss the season premiere of Gilmore Girls."

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