Written by Jalapenoman
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Saturday, 10 April 2010

image for Arizona Girl Arrested For Not Eating Chocolate Easter Bunny "Ears First"
There is no rule on which part of the candy Easter egg should be eaten first, though we recommend that you remove the wrapper

An eight year old Gilbert, Arizona girl is being held in a juvenile detention center a state law that most people only thought was a tradition. Mona Jefferson is being held without bail as a flight risk (as she owns both rollerblades and a twelve speed bike) for not eating the ears off of her chocolate Easter Bunny first.

On the day after Easter, Mona brought a chocolate Easter Bunny to school in her lunch box (6 ounce, solid milk chocolate, foil wrapped from Hershey's). Stefani Whitmer, a volunteer lunch room monitor, spotted the girl sitting with her friends. According to Mrs. Whitmer, she "removed the foil wrap from the feet, took a big bite, and then offered the candy to her friends."

The other children were in a state of disbelief and unable to take the holiday confection from her hands. Whitmer said that "I didn't want these children to be scarred for life, so I radioed for campus security and turned little Miss Jefferson over to them."

School security officials quickly turned Mona over to the Police and Counselors from a Child Protective Services Trauma Unit were dispatched to treat the witnesses (three of which were in shock when the trauma team arrived).

As one of the witnesses, young Wally Spencer, went home and took a bite off of his bunny feet first, Mona Jefferson will also be charged with one count of "contributing to the delinquency of a minor." This is in addition to her charges of public lewdness, creating an unhealthful eating environment (by offering to share bites off of a bunny which contained her saliva), and not eating the ears off of her Chocolate Easter Bunny first.

While the accused had no comment for this publication, and has not made a statement to any member of the press, her mother was heard to lament "where have I gone wrong?"

Her father was also physically and emotionally spent after a visit to the detention center. He asked reporters "Why did I have to buy her the big chocolate bunny? Why weren't Jelly Beans, Peeps, and Cadbury eggs enough?"

Representatives of the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) have agreed to take the case in defense of Mona Jefferson. They, in fact, have already filed a countersuit against Hershey's and several other candy manufacturing companies. The suit charges that the manufacturers of Chocolate Easter Bunnies do not state on the packaging (in English and Spanish) that it is a law the ears must be eaten first.

Six of the witnesses have been treated and released from a local mental hospital after receiving full psychiatric work-ups. Continued counseling is recommended for all of them. One child remains in the facility, however, as she is in a state of denial over the incident.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Stefani Whitmer (the volunteer lunch room attendant) has been honored by the school's Parent Teacher Association (P.T.A.) for her vigilance in protecting the children. She will receive a certificate at the next meeting, after the 5th grade choir sings, along with a $20 gift card to Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

She commented that "I didn't do it for the rewards, though new dishtowels will be nice. I did it to protect the children."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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