Washington, DC - Guam is gone. The Pacific Island simply had too many people living on its west coast, and the island tipped over and fell into the sea. Too many sailors were stationed there by the Navy, as predicted by Congressman Hank Johnson (Demorat, GA). President Obama was informed of the situation late this afternoon and spoke to the country on TV.
"Our 57th state is gone. It tipped over and everyone drowned." said the president to the stunned nation. President Obama flapped his arms and flapped his big ears at the same time. He leaned far to the left and let out a high-pitched scream. Eventually, he leaned too far over and fell to the floor.
Meanwhile, Congressman Hank Johnson was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, for his courage and his remarkable intelligence. Network news programs hailed his leadership and his alacrity. A shower of Grammys, Oscars, and Emmys seemed headed his way.
In Guam, residents heard the news from Washington and felt a little perplexed.
"What's everyone smoking in Washington?" said one resident.