Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 3 April 2010

image for Jesse James "TattooGate": Skittles Valentine Is Cycle Chick (#5)
Skittles Valentine, Cycle Chick #5 says her mother's real name is Baby Ruth Valentine.

SAN DIEGO - Jesse James' Cycle Chick #5 has come out of the tattooed woodwork.

The fifth member of Jesse's "TattooGate" Gallery is the Tila Tequila-lookalike Skittles Valentine. A close friend of Valentine says that yes her real name is in fact Skittles.

The friend went on to say that Valentine's mother was addicted to chocolate. Skittles has two older sisters, Raisnet and Twix and one younger brother Snickers.

Skittles Valentine and her husband Rick "The Stick" McDuckavilinski, are the owners of The Ocean Bitch Tattoo & Body Piercing Parlor in San Diego.

Valentine said that she first met Mr. Sandra Bullock (Jesse James) when he walked into their place of business looking to get a new tattoo.

She said that her husband had gone to the store to purchase some more needles, ink, and a National Enquirer and she was tending to Jesse who was looking through a tattoo catalog.

She said that he asked her what she thought about him getting a tattoo of a vagina right below his belly button.

She informed him that, that tattoo had become one of the more popular tattoos because it is certainly an attention getter at the beach or by the swimming pool.

Skittles told Jesse that she herself had a crotch cookie tattoo right below her belly button and above her yum yum.

She offered to show it to Jesse. James said that it would be nice of her so that he could see exactly how it looks on the body.

Valentine said that she stood up, walked to the door, and turned on the electric "Closed" sign.

Mrs. McDuckavilinski said that when she turned back around Jesse had already removed his motorcycle boots and his German Nazi helmet and was standing there in his swastika jock strap.

In other news. Vice President Joe Biden will address the American people in a news conference in which he will promise to make a tremendously concerted effort to never again say the "F" word.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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