WATERLOO, Iowa - President Barack Obama was in town to kick off The 97th Annual Corncob Tossing Championship and 17 Mile Three-Legged Corn Sack Race.
He was asked what he thought about the former Menudo singing sensation Ricky Martin coming out. The president looked around and asked, "Ricky's here, in Waterloo? Where?"
The president was told that Ricky had not come to Waterloo, Ricky had come out, as in when a gay guy or gal first announces to Fox News that he or she is of the gay persuasion.
President Obama got a puzzled look on his face and said, "Oh I gitcha. What you're saying is dat little Ricky Martin has come out and told da world dat he is into sausages and not into donuts so to speak, in a manner of speaking, so as ta not speak of him being a you-know-what in front of little kids, old folks, and immature adults.
The leader of the free world was totally taken by surprise. "Well I'll be a monkey's uncle and you can dip me in a vat of hot banana juice. Damn. Ricky Martin is gay. Dean Martin's son. Who da hell would have thunk it?"
President Obama was told that Ricky Martin is not Dean Martin's son. "Well hell I don't blame Dean for disowning da little faggoted faggot. Hell if he was my son, and thank goodness dat he isn't I would have taken da little peter petter out back and taken a hickory switch to his Clay Aiken-looking behind, dat's what I would have done did and dats exactly what I'm talkin' about."
In other news. The tiny African country of Burundi has decided against invading China because research studies showed that Burundi would get its black African ass kicked so bad, its sphincter muscle would have ended up touching both of its tonsils.