Washington, DC-- Homeland Insecurity and the FBI have issued a joint warning regarding the Easter Bunny. The Easter Bunny has become dangerously psychotic, and it has developed a taste for human flesh. Over 200 fatal attacks were blamed on the Easter Bunny last year, and more are expected this year.
Special FBI agent Dana Scully-Mulder heads the joint task force tracking the evil beast, and provided some information.
"The Easter Bunny has had a complete psychotic breakdown from lead poisoning. The poisoning resulted from using lead paints to color Easter eggs for countless years. If it sees you, it will try to eat you--run away if you see it." urged the red-haired agent.
The FBI agent also noted the Easter Bunny's insatiable hunger for human flesh. Those who approach the Easter Bunny are likely to have their arms ripped right out of their sockets by the monster.
"A big problem is that no one really knows what the Easter Bunny looks like." stated Agent Scully-Mulder. "Big, small, white, gray, chocolate-colored--no one really knows. We don't even know if it's male or female." she said.
Agent Scully-Mulder lit a joint, and passed it around for the other agents on the joint task force. She pondered what the joint task force would investigate next.
"After we catch the Easter Bunny, the joint task force will look into the Tooth Fairy. There are many sexual assults blamed on the Tooth Fairy--and don't even get me started on what Santa Claus has done." she said.
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