The Reverend Jesse Jackson and his evil twin Reverend Jeremiah Wright stood side by side with fists raised high and openly condemned both President Obama and his Health Care Reform. Fortunately you, the reader, did not have to sit and wait through one hundred g-damn America's and whitey gotta die's to figure out what the cuff they were so upset about.
"I'm talking about the same thing I have preached about since the day I could talk and that is racism." Wright ranted. "More black kids in prison than in college, the only position a black woman can aspire to is on her cuffin back, how whitey invented AIDS (actually that's true) and now we have a black man in charge but nothing's changed. I scraped that trick pullin coke snortin tiny peckered son of a bitch off the Chicago streets and made him the man he is today and does he represent; hell no! I think this is all about him finding out his real father is Cleavon Little but still, that ain't no excuse."
"Now Jeremiah calm down." Jesse tried.
"Who you to tell me to calm down you overbaked Opie and Andy riding on a Mayberry RFD snowmobile reject mother cuffer."
"I'm going to kick your unpatriotic ass you "
Needless to say you get the idea and once the madness eased the truth behind the outrage arrived with Rev. Wright.
"Damn right I'm mad and justified. I read that Health Care Reform Bill and most of it I am okay with. The retro abortion, the death squads, the 'take your life' incentive for seniors, and the free Liagra I can deal with but I stopped reading at Page 12,456 (font size 2 version) paragraph three section 'A' titled Mandatory Penial Reduction directive. What is wrong with that idiot? I ain't shavin one centimeter off of my pecker and what in hell is the use for Liagra if you can't jam any more. What is that half white dim wit thinking about. We ain't japs. We ain't Barney Frank. If it weren't for the package Obama's ass would not even be here."
"My largest, let me rephrase," Jesse added "my biggest concern is that I have my pant's tailor made and I expect to be reimbursed. Did you hear that ladies, my pants, tailor made?"
Hurriedly this intrepid reporter thumbed through the aforementioned portion of the library sized Health Bill and sure enough it said Penial but the section referenced related to the prison system. The 'i' was a typo. Our guess is this was the portion proving Republican participation.
Ti Cuff - remember only 917 shopping days left until the apocalypse; keep you fingers crossed.