Written by Milo S. Thompson
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Topics: T-Baggers

Wednesday, 24 February 2010

Long time TV teabagger personality Glenn Beck was arrested Tuesday by Homeland Secuirty in accordance to a national security provision in the PATRIOT Act established by George W. Bush and fervently championed by Beck himself in the aftermath of 9/11.

The provision, Title VIII, Section 221, better known as the "Who's Gonna Stop Me?...Oh yeah? You and What Army? Perogative" states that suspects in possesion of materials that threaten terrorist acts against the state can be held on conspiracy charges indefinitely without trial. In defense of the provision, Beck has argued that "anyone who doesn't love America should get the hell out and anyone who threatens violence against the American government should be thrown in a cell forever."

Beck was found to be in clear violation of the provision Tuesday morning when his residence, The Foxhole, was searched. Agents found multiple pieces of literature that alluded to the inevitable civil war and armed rebellion that was coming in this country if the United States socialist government did not start adhering stricly to the constitution. Strict adherance to the constitution was defined more specifically in one pamphlet as "leave everyone the hell alone and quit trying to improve society."

Beck was taken to an undiscloved location for CIA interrogation. Beck has also been a strident supporter of CIA interrogation techniques, such as water boarder, on his television program yet oddly, several witnesses reported that as he was being removed from his home he clung futilely to the doorframe yelling "Please don't let them take me! Please, I have a sensitive nasal canal!" as tears streamed down his face.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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