Written by Sherri Gibbons
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Topics: Sales

Sunday, 7 November 2004

image for Boat Sales Rise on East and West Coasts
Freedom or Bust!

In the week since the Presidential election, marinas on both the East and West Coasts are reporting a 49% increase in boat sales.
California, New Jersey and New York have shown the greatest profit margin in the past six days.

"We expect to see further sales increases in upcoming weeks and are working hard to continue to keep the water vessel industry profitable going forward," stated Iyam Whatiyam, President and CEO of No More Years Marina.

The increased sales this past week were a direct result of the wide acceptance of reality and increased demand to flee by the easiest means possible for states on both coasts. Oceanic travel is clearly the escape platform choice for both Democrats and Liberals alike, as unit sales of boats and yachts reach astronomical heights.

"While the boating industry is pleased with this increase in profit and are confident that we will reach the goals we set for ourselves based on the outcome of the Presidential Election of 2004, our sympathies are with those who have been effected by the horrible and tragic events that took place on November 2, 2004, when their states accepted war and terrorism, in exchange for the merge of church and state. Our thoughts are with all Democrats trapped in landlocked states, who voted heroically under such difficult circumstances," said Whatiyam.

Whatiyam went on to say, "It is no coincidence that when viewing the Electoral map of the United States, the 'Red' states, representing Republican states, are all landlocked the middle of the country, and the 'Blue' Democratic states are along the coast. With the fear of 'four more years' in the back of their minds, Democrats flocked to both coasts with plans for a fast getaway in case of defeat."

For those East and West Coast residents whose pockets are not quite deep enough to purchase a boat, there is still hope! Sporting Good chain stores on both coasts have joined together and have lowered costs on all canoes, kayaks, and inner tubes. Special discounts will also be given to those purchasing water wings, blow up rafts and life jackets.

In related news, with the recent message from Osama Bin Laden threatening individual states who voted to re-elect President Bush and promising safety to those states which did not, there has been a 52% increase in Smurf costumes.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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