GUILFOYLE, Nebraska -- Satire Writers of Planet Earth, or S.W.O.P.E, in their annual convention in a small town in the central plains, have endorsed President George W. Bush over John Kerry, Ralph Nader, and a small poodle named 'Sammy'.
"We fear that if the 'Anybody but Bush' people win, we'll have nothing to write about but Britney Spears and Ashlee Simpson" said Cyrus T. Thrumble, a photo editor for TheSpoof.com.
With the election mere moments away, satire writers at audience authored websites are working feverishly for a source of stories to run after the election is over.
"George Clooney and jokes about Oceans 11 would work." pointed out TheSpoof.com Editor Horace Gillip, of Pittsburgh. "But that will only carry us so far. Now if we could get our hands on a Julia Roberts sex tape or Ashley Olsens cell phone number, that would be uber-gold, baby!"
Articles in recent weeks have alluded that George Bush is a homosexual, stupid, an alien, a eunich, a donkey, a homosexual donkey, and a stupid, eunich, alien who has an affair with a homosexual donkey. The latter being incredibly silly, however, still popular enough to generate enough Google hits for the search string "Eunich Alien".
Other satire sites, known for their witty social content and vegetable based names, have one distinct advantage over those that feed on insults towards the Bush administration.
"Oh them, yeah, they gots some real writers there, not just keyboard hacks who smack the plastic for twenty and bang out a story" said Thrumble as he worked on his laptop during a break at the convention. "Check this out, Bush has laser beams out of his eyes!!...What an effect, Eh?"
Although fewer in number, some writers are eager for a John Kerry win.
"With Theresa being some elite foreigner and John looking like death warmed over, some good fodder is out there for stories" said Gillip. "I really do like the fact that John Kerry was on an episode of Cheers. Nobody has done a story on that yet, and it would be a good one, too!"
The Massachusetts Senator is seen slugging beers with Norm and Cliff on the Boston based sitcom in the mid-eighties.
Bush supporters are hopeful that this powerful medium of satire can help reclaim some territory on the internets. Last week, the Bloggers Universe Media Society, or B.U.M.S., endorsed Senator Kerry.