Written by Gareth Carpenter
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Saturday, 23 October 2004

image for Bush to use grandmother's corpse for final campaign push
An artist's impression of how Mrs Bush Senior will hit the campaign trail

George W Bush is seeking to boost his chances of winning the US Presidential election - by exhuming the body of his dead grandmother Barbara to help with the final campaign push.

The corpse was lifted out of a Texas graveyard this morning and Republican spin-doctors believe Grandma Bush will be ready to go canvassing as early as tomorrow morning.

However, Bush advisers have denied that the move is a last ditch attempt to salvage his flagging ratings after the disastrous use of his wife Laura in the last few days.

"We contacted the late Mrs Bush through a video conference call with a medium," said vice-president Dick Cheney. "She said she was willing to take a few days off from The Afterlife to make sure that her little boy got back in."

Republican campaign organisers are still flummoxed how best to use Grandma Bush's body. According to one inside source, one idea is to parade the body through the streets of important swing states affixed to a placard reading "I'm Dead Set On Bush".

Another problem is that Mrs Bush Senior's reappearance could actually end up upstaging Mr Bush himself.

"Let's face it - if you put the current president up against the rotting corpse of his deceased grandmother in a charisma contest, it might be a close contest but Mrs Bush would inevitably win," said one source close to the Republican election team.

On anti-Bush protestor said the move proved how low Mr Bush was prepared to go to retain the presidency.

"About six feet low to be precise," he added.

Presidential aides insisted that the body would be returned to its resting place once the election was over.

"President Bush said we should keep digging for a bit while the grave's empty just to see if we can find some oil down there," said one. "But he said that if we don't find nothing we shouldn't worry as he would probably be invading another oil field disguised as a Middle East country in the near future anyway."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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