Written by Daniel Bristol
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Topics: Sex, Wife, Local

Friday, 12 February 2010

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Clyde McConnell: One Horny Bastard

BOSTON, MA - Clyde McConnel, a Mass Transit dispatcher, reportedly loves to have sex with his wife according to sources.

McConnel, 38, has been married to his wife, Stacey, for 12 years, and apparently loves to give it to her on a frequent basis.

"It's true," said Henry Schlemmer, owner of Schlemmer's Tavern and McConnell's neighbor for more than ten years, "Clyde gives Stacey the ol' howdy-doo every night! Even leaves bowling and poker nights early to do it!"

Independent sources have confirmed that McConnell has been known to forego social activities with his friends in order to get home in time to pork his wife.

"One night we were all in a darts tournament at Schlemmer's," said Raoul Rodriguez who lives across the street. "Clyde and me were partners and we nearly won, but the next thing you know he's got his coat in his hand and says, 'Sorry, Raoul, I gotta get home to fuck my wife!'"

However, all this was mere speculation until the Spoof was able to speak directly with Stacy McConnell.

"Oh it's true," said Mrs. McConnell, who has asked that we not reveal her age. "Clyde bones me at least once a day, sometimes twice and one time, when he was drunk, three times!" She then flushed red and stared into the distance, obviously reliving a pleasant memory.

When asked to comment on future plans, McConnell said, "Oh, I'm gonna boink the wife again tonight! Had oysters for lunch!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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