Written by Jalapenoman
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Topics: Religion, Muslims, Mosque

Monday, 1 February 2010

image for Local Mosque Offers Free Tours To Ease Prejudice and Fears
Come to the free tour this week!

A local Moslem "Mosque" will have an open house and give free tours in an attempt to persuade local residents that they are not all gun toating Shi'ites who want to kill everyone. The event will take place Wednesday evening and all in the community are invited to come and "meet the neighbors."

Ali Sheedy, Iman of the local congregation, said "We want people in town to know that we are just day to day folks like them. We work and come home and take care of our families and watch sports struggle to pay bills. Not all of us are the bloodthirsty people who blew up the twin towers or want to take over the world."

In respect to their religion, Sheedy has asked that all female visitors cover their heads, "a scarf like you would use in a Catholic church would be nice."

"We have decorated up some of the classrooms in our building like some of the rooms in our homes or businesses, to better give everyone a glimpse into our lives."

Visitors to the mosque will see one room laid out like a slaughterhouse, where animals are killed in a manner prescribed by their scriptures. "It is a clean and painless killing, similar to that used by the Jews. In fact, their Kosher methods and ours are almost alike."

Another room is made to look like a barn, and those taking the tour will be permitted to engage in intercourse with the sheep, goat, camel, small boy, or dog of their choice. "See...some of this is quite similar to what is done in the Catholic church by the priests...or in Arkansas. We are not that much different than you!"

Men on the tour can experience a real hashish den and then be thrown into a "simulated" Turkish prison, and receive all of the amenities!

In the 72 Virgins room, the walls are covered with pictures of naked, Decadent Western women in multiple sexual poses. A table will be laid out with multiple whips, handcuffs, chains, and other leather items. "This is to show our visitors just how much better our heaven is than theirs."

Those on the tour will also be permitted to kneel before an altar, be given the opportunity to repudiate their Christian beliefs, and then experience what it feels like to have their heads removed by an ancient sword. "It is just like we do in Iran and Iraq!"

Persons bringing their teenaged daughters on the visit will also have the opportunity to have them sold as sex slaves to an Oil Sheik.

Imam Sheedy hopes that everyone in the community comes out and participates to that a spirit of brotherhood and solidarity will prevail. He also said that refreshments will be served.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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