Written by John Breneman
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Topics: water

Friday, 1 October 2004

image for Kerry makes points, Bush makes faces

Is the water cooler half empty or half full?

Did Kerry hammer Bush with that "colossal error of judgment" zinger? Or did Bush impress voters by telling 'em 11 times that fighting terror is "hard work"?

Did the president convince even more Americans that we had to invade Iraq because "the enemy attacked us"? Or did Kerry catch Bush pulling his ole "Saddam had to pay for 9/11" trick?

Did Bush wow 'em by repeating his consistent message that Kerry is inconsistent? Or did Kerry shake Bush's steadfast resolve that all he needs to win re-election is steadfast resolve?

As they say in the influential hip-hop demographic, did Flip-Flop get dope slapped or did Kid Kerry rock the mike and make W. his Bee-yush?

These are the questions that spin through our heads as the unpredictable post-debate portion of the debate unfolds before us.

Did the challenger hit a home run?
Did the incumbent lay an egg?

Did Bush's "plainspoken" personality shine through when he said, "I uh ..." then froze for several agonizing seconds? Or did President Six-Pack overcome a subpar oratorical performance by making funny faces at Senator Smarty-Pants?

Did Kerry get under Bush's skin by reminding him that Osama bin Laden, not Saddam Hussein, attacked America on Sept. 11? Or did the president successfully rebut the charge by saying, duh, "Of course I know Osama bin Laden attacked us. I know that"?

Did Kerry score rhetorical points by saying Bush "outsourced" the job of capturing bin Laden to Afghan warlords working for minimum wage? Or was it a low blow to remind Jr. that his daddy was smart enough not to bumble into Iraq with no "exit strategy"?

Did Kerry make headway by suggesting the president's tax cuts for the rich would be better spent making America safer? Or does Bush really expect voters to buy his simplistic response that of course we're safe with him because "That's my job"?

Perhaps the most important questions of all: Will these revealing face-to-face showdowns cause any supporters of this failed president to look back after Nov. 2 and say, "I actually DID vote for George W. Bush, before I voted against him"? Or is it too late to convince those who have been duped by Mr. Bush that he is the wrong president at the wrong place at the wrong time?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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