Written by susan allen-rosario
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Topics: Beaver, Family

Wednesday, 29 September 2004

Perfect town, USA - Mrs. Cleaver, legendary matriarch of the model American family, portrayed on the popular TV show "Leave it to Beaver," was interrogated and subsequently arrested, after a neighbor made an anonymous call and reported suspicious behavior by Mrs. Cleaver. CIA agents arrived at the Cleaver home armed with a full dossier of the alleged crimes. Crimes disclosed to reporters by agents of the CIA, are as follows. (Please note, these are alleged crimes, Mrs. Cleaver is innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.)

"Mrs. Cleaver, on dates that are yet to be determined upon further investigation, did willing participate in the following alleged crimes:

Ate M & M's she found between the folds of the couch while vacuuming.

Drove her car over 3000 miles between oil changes.

Used butter instead of margarine in a cookie recipe, then told everyone in the family they were "fat free."

Did not water her house plants in a timely manner, became so angry at one plant, that dared to droop, that she yelled at it to "get off your big pot and get your own damn water."

Told telemarketers from "Gutter Max" that she "didn't have any gutters," a blatant lie.

Let the dog lick the stamps for all of this year's Christmas cards (yuk!)

Stole her son's Halloween candy while he was at school, when he returned home, she told him there had been a robbery and all they took was his candy.

Told her husband, "Not tonight, honey, I've got a headache." She didn't have a headache.

Took a magazine from the doctor's office, because it had a good meat loaf recipe in it, and then did not bring the magazine back.

Fed the neighbor she didn't like "liver pate`" made from Fancy Feast cat food.

Ordered a larger cup size than necessary from the Victoria Secrets bra catalog (wishful thinking?)

Used the same knife in the peanut butter that she used in the jelly without cleaning it off first.

And last but not least, she refilled several empty bottles from good wines, with cheap, boxed wine, then served them at a dinner party."

When neighbors were asked what they thought of the crimes that Mrs. Cleaver allegedly committed they said, "We understand that some of the crimes were serious, but there's some thing's you just don't do… you just don't arrest Mrs. Cleaver.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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