NEW YORK CITY - Sarah Palin has been offered a job with Fox News and the ex-governor of Alaska has taken it.
Palin, who ran as Senator John McCain's vice-presidential candidate in the 2008 election, stated that she has been practicing being 'fair and balanced' for the past two weeks.
She said that she has the balanced part down and now she is working on the fair part.
Palin smiled and said that actually the fair part is really just an abstract term because there is really no way that anyone can be fair, she sighted Tiger Woods for example.
Mrs. Palin said that Tiger became the semi-billionaire that he is because of his fans. And now he has literally spit in the faces of each and every fan.
Palin asked herself why. And she replied, "Well, I'll tell you why by golly, and I won't be mincing words or meat for that matter. But to put it in plain, simple, everyday Alaskan terms, the skinny little half-black fella just had to run around sticking his totem pole in every gosh darn white igloo that he could find."
Sarah laughs and says that he's lucky that his wife only hit him with a nine iron. She added that if it had been her, she would have taken her high-powered telescopic big game rifle and shot his wandering pee-pee off an inch at a time.
Palin smiled, took a sip of her Diet Dr. Pepper, and casually remarked, "And three or four shots later, I would've been dealing with Tigress Woods."
In related news. Sarah Palin says that Fox big wigs want her to use her wild wilderness womanly charm and influence to try and convince Lou Dobbs, Conan O'Brien, and Jerry Springer to come on over and join the happy Fox family.