Written by P.M. Wortham
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Thursday, 7 January 2010

image for San Jose Earthquake Mixes Perfect Margarita

In preparation for the upcoming lunch rush, bartenders at a downtown San Jose restaurant were in process of mixing ingredients in five gallon buckets when the earthquake struck, knocking bottles of tequila and a box of fresh limes into the pails.

Fearing the loss of the entire batch of pre-mixed margarita, nearly $300 given the premium tequila that had mistakenly fallen in, bartender Juan Lamas from the "Southwestern Grill" wisely tasted the mix before discarding it down the drain. In a word, it was "Perfecto", according to Lamas.

Lamas told reporters that the unintentional margarita mixing scene was similar in function to a Rube Goldberg machine, complete with accidental and bizarre steps to create the final mix.

As Lamas describes for reporters, "First the box of fresh limes fell off the edge of the counter and split open to dump equal numbers of limes into both buckets. Miguel, who was standing on the bar top dusting the premium brand liquor shelf, lost his balance and fell, landing with a foot in each bucket, crushing the limes. The vibrations continued until all premium tequila on the top shelf fell off, along with equal bottles of triple sec spout down into the buckets, while Miguel stepped out. With a few more minutes of shimmy and shake, it was perfectly mixed. In the end, once we strained out the limes and removed any stray pieces of toe jam, it was perhaps the best margarita I've ever tasted."

Customers apparently agreed. Needing a place to unwind after the earthquake ordeal, they packed the Southwestern Grill right at 11:00 Pacific time. Within 20 minutes and after consuming a jumbo glass of the specialty mix, all were raving over the taste. "If only I could duplicate the mix", Lamas lamented.

The 10 gallon mix lasted only an hour, and all consumers were indeed pickled.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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