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Tuesday, 5 January 2010

image for Co-Joined Twins attacked On Visit To Lincoln's Grave During School Trip
Some people still don't get the message of his life

Terry and Mary McBriar, a pair of co-joined twins, were treated for injuries that a local hospital and released after the were assaulted while visiting Abraham Lincoln's gravesite. The two were on a field trip with a busload of other students from Clark County High School to the cemetery when an unknown assailant jumped from behind a tombstone and begin hitting them with an empty liquor bottle.

The alleged assailant, who has not been found, is described as wearing a cheap, 70's style leisure suit and coke bottle bottomed glasses. The girls also said that his hair was curly and uncombed and that he smelled of cheap wine and ripple. The brandy bottle that was used as a weapon was discovered to contain a mixture of Thunderbird and Mad Dog 20/20.

The girls boyfriends, the co-joined Pissgums twins, were unable to take leave from their Naval basic training, but said that they'd "kick that sumbitches pansy ass" when he was caught.

When asked if they had any idea what prompted the attack, Mary said that she was standing in front of the monument to Lincoln, reading a poem that she had written about the late President. In her poem, she describes him as being a man who brought freedom and equality not only to slaves, but to the minority, the downtrodden, and the women. Her verse also described the emancipation of all who are enslaved and promised that they would be whipped and chained to oppression no more. She said that these words ticked off the homeless man and he attacked them with a cigarette in one hand and the brandy bottle in the other.

No charges are pending as no suspect is in custody at this time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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