Written by rewinn
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Topics: Politics, iPhone

Monday, 4 January 2010

image for iMscrewed - Your Most Important iPhone App
Yes, you're screwed. But at least you have a cellphone!

Unemployed Americans, and those soon to be unemployed, can now download an iPhone App to help them cope with having their jobs shipped overseas, their tax dollars given to the bankers running our economy and their very lives sold to billionaires in nice suits.

Based on Thom Hartmann's award-winning manual "SCREWED! The Undeclared War Against the Middle Class" "iMscrewed" uses GPS technology to locate:

* Where in the world your job went or is going;
* Which corporate jet, limosine or whorehouse was paid for with your tax money;
* Which highway overpasses currently have space available for you to sleep under.

Remember, protecting jobs in America is PROTECTIONISM, which could lead to economic problems that could cost you your job. But, while you are no doubt better off for having your job eliminated, you may want a little help coping with life as an underemployed warning to those few who still have a paycheck.

iMscrewed will enable you to

* Download picture of the vacations enjoyed by the people who eliminated your job
* Take a virtual tour of the Goldman, Sachs headquarters paid for with your tax dollars
* Chart the explosion in the derivatives market that is not only unregulated, but vastly larger than the entire economy of our planet: just like in 1929!

Has the American Dream collapsed for you? Are you feeling a little bit down, now that you will be unable to pass on to your children a living standard comparable to that which your parents gave to you? When you were young, one parent could earn enough to put kids through college, enjoy vacations and have a decent retirement; but now, you'll be living with your kids while holding down three minimum-wage jobs ... if you're lucky!

All this could get you feeling hopeless, but don't worry! iMscrewed has a host of games to bring back your dreams.

* iHistory: This app furnishes frequent reminders that we've had it just as bad before and overcome them by working together to push our politicians. (Note: this application works very slowly; you may want to quit in dispair too soon)
* iBribe: This app provides the campaign money that every politician needs to get into office or stay in office. The best part of this app is that politicians who refuse to play along get swept out in the next election; the worst part is that you must have $1 million or more to use this app effectively.
* iMhuman: A new problem today is that our economy, and therefore our politics, are controlled by non-human corporations. Powerful servants but dangerous masters, this new form of life uses people to front amoral and reckless actions in service of a single purpose: their growth upon our blood. They must be brought under control: the humans must rise up!

Are you working harder and taking home less pay? Are your health insurance premiums rising faster than your rage and anxiety? Do you feel that the American Dream is slipping away?

Get help! Get iMscrewed!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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