Written by La Pluma
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Sunday, 3 January 2010

image for One Kansas Farmer Feeds 126 People, But are They a Wise Holiday Meal?
The other, other white meat

Samhain, KS - As recently reported in the Kansas Anthropophagi Home Journal, December issue, it appears Kansas farmers were a holiday dinner favorite for many Sunflower Stater again this year. Possibly attracted to the abundant white meat, those extra large drumsticks or just the huge amount of stuffing a single farmer can hold, nothing says Holiday Season in Samhain, Kansas like fresh free-range, and roasted agrarian with a side of potatoes and a little cranberry sauce.

While sales of farmers have dwindled nationally in recent years, mostly due to the dropping prices of turkey and pork products, farmers have stayed a tried and true favorite for most of Samhain's rural citizenry. "You just get so much more from a farmer than a hog these days," cited Samhain's local butcher, Tex Maasakre, "it's all about buying in bulk and storing ahead you know."

Despite the smart dollar sense of buying a cured holiday farmer, a few Samhain clans simple don't want to take on the trouble of serving farmer at home. "It's big, it's awkward and it barely fits in my oven," shared Samhain housewife and local wiccan home-schooler, Ellsy Borden. "No matter what the savings are, maneuvering a full grown farmer around my kitchen just isn't worth it."

Hans Able, Samhain Mayor, had different reasons for deciding against farmer for his family this Holiday Season. He stated that, "You just don't get the same nice table presentation from a farmer that you can git from a hog, especially when you try to shove the apple in it's mouth." Mr. Able went on to tell about his past table space battles and that farmer leftovers didn't seem to go over that well with his wife and kids. "Sure it's nice that first night,when the farmer's still fressh" Hans explained, "but by the third day, the everybody in the whole family is tired of eating Old McDonalds."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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