Written by beabo
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Topics: Iraq, Washington

Friday, 17 September 2004

image for WMD: A State Of Mind Over Matter

Washington, D.C.

President George Bush announced today that the weapons of mass destruction believed to be in Iraq were, in fact, only in Saddam's mind and heart.

In an statement clearly intended to remove the sting from an upcoming American weapon inspector's report, President Bush today admitted to a small "boo-boo" in calculating the Iraqi's ability to amass a cache of weapons capable of defeating the free world and loosing the minions of hell on the planet.

In defense of the United State's invasion of Iraq, President Bush admitted to seeking the council of Pope John Paul and submitting to the Pontiff photographs of a recent find of deadly Iraqi made slingshots which, all sides agree, could easily bruise an eye or damage the ego of an unsuspecting victim.

In addition, President Bush presented evidence to the Pope that Saddam had been a "hooligan, poor sport, and a less than ideal parent." American forces turned over to the Pope a confiscated Saddam's "Dora the Explorer" personal diary that indicated in somewhat dry yet poignant language that Saddam's administration had been planning a build up of WMD as soon as Saddam could find a "soul mate".

After studying canon law, Pope John Paul pointed out that the rule of "you think it - you done it" still stood as law in the Catholic Church and, while Saddam's redemption could be prayed for, he remained guilty of accumulating WMD of the mind. Stating that a peaceful solution would be ideal, Pope John Paul could not discount "thoughts as sins".

Despite denials from the White House, it is believed that Pope John Paul refused to back President Bush's idea of mandatory crucification for "terrorists and democrats". Indeed, insiders at the Vatican insist that the peace loving Pope showed President Bush the road after discussion of this issue became unproductive and unpleasant.

President Bush expressed optimism as he discussed the possibility of finding the concealed WMD in Saddam's brain tissue once Saddam received a fair trial and was executed for his crimes. Doctors are standing by at the National Institutes of Health to perform the brain autopsy and destroy any WMD's found hidden in the neurons of Saddam's brain.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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