Written by matwil
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Thursday, 31 December 2009

image for State of emergency declared by City of Denver as bomb doesn't go off
This jet might have been blown up by a bomb. But it wasn't. Help!!!!

There was widespread panic today in the city of Denver, Colorado, after a bomb nearly went off on a jet plane, but didn't. Thousands of its citizens were in a state of shock, many requiring medical treatment for what officials termed 'the worst case of mass hysteria since Ambridge Girls' School hockey team lost a match against Barnsley Ladies' College'.

Many were fleeing their homes in fear of the unexploded bomb, but we managed to interview a few of the slightly less scared people there, as they were busy panic-buying hamburgers and chocolate and peanut butter.

'Man, how much more can we take in America?', Mrs. Lardella van Mcdonutski said, 'first that plane that landed on water with nobody even slightly hurt, and now the unexploded bomb! I can't take this temerrorism any more!' And another, a Mr. Pancho Humorlez, added: 'Hey, the whole American nation is now on a terrorist alert, I bet those British would be just as frightened as I am!'

When it was pointed out that the British survived whole towns and major parts of cities being bombed off the face of the Earth in two World Wars and a ruthless Provisional IRA bombing campaign for decades, and also planes being hijacked, Mrs. van McDonutski said 'Oh sure!'

'Then how come there's not been a Tom Cruise movie about it all, then?' And when it was also pointed out that when the PLO hijacked a plane in London the Special Air Service (SAS) simply stormed it and killed the terrorists, Mr. Humorlez put his hands over his ears and shouted 'I can't hear you! I can't hear you!'

Probably the most famous terrorist incident in history was when the Iranian Embassy in London was taken over by amateur armed gunmen, who then started acting tough like Americans do when they have weapons, issuing demands and threatening to kill their hostages.

The SAS in full view of the world then showed how dangerous and ruthless the British are when they have to be, and launched a lightning attack on the building, and saved all the hostages. The terrorists then tried to mix in with the hostages, the soldiers asked the hostages to point them out - and then shot dead every one of them in a swift execution.

As for the recent 7/7 attacks in London, a year later thousands of Londoners held massive 'We're Not Scared' street parties, there have been terrorist bombings all across England from the 1970s to 1990s, and the entire city centre of Manchester was destroyed by the Provisionals.

The highest 'percentage' of deaths from bombing was on the shipbuilding town of Clydebank, which the Luftwaffe launched massive attacks against over a few days, killing about 2,000 out of the 3,000 people there. And all the survivors were back at work as usual on the Monday after.

Not even little British children are scared of terrorists, never mind adults. The USA, what a bunch of crybabies! And they think they're tough because they can buy machine guns and rifles in shops! Might be an idea for Americans to stop believing their own bullshit television. If 9/11 had happened in London, people would just have shrugged, made a few black jokes about it, and got on with life. They did after 7/7.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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