Written by Rebut
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Topics: Doctors, Hospital

Thursday, 9 September 2004

Doctors at John Hopkins Memorial Hospital Psychiatric Wing, today confirmed that they are working flat out to develop a treatment for Post Anal Opinion Disorder. They confirm that there is a marked increase in cases of trauma directly related to PAOD.

Dr John Levenstein told our reporters that most males do not cope adequately when being asked by a wife, daughter or girlfriend : "Does my bum look fat in this". Some morons he observed actually venture an honest opinion and are duly slaughtered.

Dr Levenstein said that women the world over ask this question expecting to be told "no"! The fact that they repeatedly insist on an honest answer does not mean that "the shmuck should actually give one". The genius must tell the woman concerned that it looks tiny even if he knows that there are oil tankers with smaller rear ends.

He cautioned males to be particularly wary of prompts like : "Be honest if my own husband can't tell me the truth who can?" or "Please tell me the truth otherwise I won't know whether I should wear it or not" or (most dangerous) "If I didn't want the truth I wouldn't have asked".

In truth says Dr Levenstein the male is gullible and can often buy this rubbish. As soon as he gives an honest answer he will find out that he bleeds a lot and that eating without teeth can be awkward at times.

Dr Alan Savage of plastic surgery told us that they are rebuilding more male faces than ever before. He said that these are usually victims of PAOD who not only gave an honest opinion but sat there smugly afterwards going "well you asked for an honest answer honey". Honey thereupon throws petrol on husband of honey and lights it.

Even unmarried males are in serious danger. Most of them have picked up a woman at a bar and forgotten that it took a decalitre of cheap wine to drink her acceptable.

Waking up the following morning and looking at Michael Moore's fatter sister changing in the mirror he will be confronted with : "Does my bum look fat in this?"

That bombshell is as understated as Robert E Lee at Gettysburg going : "I wonder if we shouldn't have a pop at going up the middle?"

Moron lying in bed, with a hangover watching the USS Theodore Roosevelt get changed in his bedroom, will venture something like "nah looks fine."

But this aircraft carrier won't be pushed aside : "Be honest we've got a lunch at work so I need to know".
Of course having a hangover means he requires peace and thus decides to get run over by a bus. "Well it does look a bit heavy but nothing..."

Who knows swallowing a cupboard may well be a cure for a hangover. Of course it may well hinder the staff in ICU when they try and remove it from your throat.

In essence, the ONLY answer to "Does My Bum Look Fat In This?", is no, no and no - regardless of how the question is put and the oil tanker putting it. If you ignore this fact of life you'll be PAOD in full.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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