Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 5 December 2009

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Rikki the Rhode Island Red Chicken was busted with 6.9 ounces of cocaine up her (blank).

Agents of the Intra Border Drug Agency have busted an adult chicken that was carrying 181.2 grams of pure highly refined Ecuadorian cocaine.

The chicken, a Rhode Island Red named Rikki, belonging to a Mr. Mickey Maurice LaSetti was noticed by agents assigned to The Condoleezza Rice Airport to be walking kind of funny.

After putting Rikki through the X-Ray conveyor machine, it was determined that she had a rather large amount of cocaine stuck up her (blank).

A call was made to a nearby chicken farm and within ten minutes chicken farmer Stanford Finnroot arrived at the airport. He took the chicken into one of the airport bathrooms and it was then that he found the highly refined Ecuadorian cocaine.

IBDA agents said the cocaine weighed 6.9 ounces. They determined that it had a street value of $437,000. The cocaine was marked as Peoples Exhibit A and Rikki was marked as Peoples Exhibit B.

Mickey Maurice LaSetti was handcuffed and taken to police headquarters where he was charged with illegally bringing a chicken into the United States.

Agents said that legally LaSetti cannot be charged with drug possession since the cocaine was not on his person, but rather on his chicken.

When asked what would become of Rikki, a spokesperson for the IBDA said that most likely after the trial Rikki will probably be given to a homeless shelter where she will no doubt become that evenings dinner.

SIDENOTE: This is not the first time that an individual has tried to smuggle drugs into the country using an animal, bird, or fish. Last year, an individual from Bolivia tried to smuggle in some cocaine in a guppy. The drug amount was small and only had a street value of $9.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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