Written by Rebut
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Topics: Girls, Killing

Friday, 27 August 2004

image for Ward Weaver Competent
Coke tin which outscored Ward in IQ Test

Oregon City, Oregon -Ward Weaver the man accused of killing two young girls and hiding their bodies in his back yard has been found competent to stand trial. Weaver 41, whose trial has been suspended since April for psychiatric evaluation was ruled mentally competent.

During April Judge Robert Herndon felt that Weaver was severley depressed. If I had killed two young girls and hidden them in my back yard I'd be feeling pretty rotten too.

Defense attorney Peter Fay said that his client was now able to "aid and assist". In real terms it means he will be able to walk to and from his car while the legal teams "suffer" through all the publicity which goes with the trial.

The psychiatric report reading along the following lines : "Weaver will best be suited as an 'aid' to a broken piano where he could prop that end up. He is also to 'assist' doctors writing the latest chapter of "Great Vegatables I have known".

What was he tested for? Rinderpest, Mad Cows, Distemper, Untenable Klingon Syndrome? If this one isn't a sick puppy, there are no sick puppies.

The two girls aged 12 and 13 had been friends of Weaver's daughter. Which should put a huge hole in her arrangements diary. Perhaps she'll have better luck in another neighborhood. Cambodia for example is very popular about now.

Weaver murdered the two and then put them under a concrete slab in his shed. His father Ward Weaver Jr is on death row in California for murdering a women and putting her under a concrete slab.

Seems Ward introduced the shed as some kind of innovation. Perhaps the fact that it didn't work either is what depressed him so severley.

Like pop he too faces the death penalty. Perhaps as a trial they can drop concrete slabs on them. In Ward's case he'll have to forego the shed bit.

One can only wonder at how pop sitting on death row sees his son who is following in his footsteps. Is he bursting with pride and keen to learn about the new innovations or severely depressed that there's nobody to hand down the concrete slabs to?

Can you imagine the other geniuses on the row : "Way to go Ward, your son is a real chip off the old concrete slab".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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