Written by MarkC99
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Tuesday, 1 December 2009

Los Angeles, CA police officials are investigating the apparent shooting death of Sonny, the Cocoa Puffs Cuckoo Bird. Sonny, real name Glen Fitzpatrick, was found dead on November 27th in the two room apartment he shared with his sister Mabel. Fitzpatrick had been described as despondent over the lack of acting roles that had come his way over the last decade. His last role was as Aladdin in the all insect cast of "1001 Arabian Nits", which ran for two nights at a Paducah, Kentucky dinner theater in January 1993.

Said LAPD Detective Paul Taglia, "At approximately 3:30 am on November 27th we responded to a disturbance at 1543 Corona Avenue. Officers arrived at the scene to find Mr. Fitzpatrick dead on his kitchen floor, face down in a puddle of chocolate milk. All of his feathers had been plucked."

Police have not ruled out foul (no pun intended) play, and are in fact anxious to question James "Cap'n" Crunch, who was said to have been involved in an altercation with Fitzpatrick outside of an LA nightclub late last month. According to Julio "Crackle" Alvarez, a member of the East LA Rice Krispies gang who witnessed the altercation, Fitzpatrick and Crunch were involved in a heated argument over who stays crunchier in milk.

"The freakin' bird guy just went (expletive deleted) nuts," said Alvarez. "Like, he started screaming "I'm Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs and bouncing all over the room. There were little stars and swirls over his head and his eyes were twirling around in their sockets like when you pull the lever on a slot machine. It was pretty hardcore, man."

This is the second incident involving former cereal spokes-creatures in the last six months. Herman "Trix Rabbit" Kozlowski is currently on trial in Chicago for the gangland style slayings of twenty-seven former child actors who over the years had denied him a bowl of cereal.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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