Washington, D.C. - The Supreme Court is adjusting to their latest appointee, a very special lady who is busy showing that she is, by all accounts, a "trier". She was recently appointed as part of a special federal program where the Supreme Court can hire her at a lesser cost, and the federal government pays the rest.
This program has already assisted thousands of America's "special needs" citizens. McDonalds was a pioneer in the field, giving employement to many of the mentally disadvantaged.
Said a Supreme Court spokesperson, "We felt it was time. What with our reduced budget, this saves a lot of money. And besides, some interpretations of the Americans with Disabilities Act and the Civil Rights would seem to mandate that we hire the mentally handicapped, at least if it's for a job they can reasonably do."
The new justice would seem to be able to do it. She was gleaned from hundreds of more normal applicants, but from the first her record of "specialness" stood out.
It was reported that as a child she was inspired by Nancy Drew and Perry Mason. She "graduated" from the same up-scale diploma mill as saw fit to graduate George W. Bush.
Mostly it was her painful attempt at worldly sophistication immortalized on YouTube where Sotomayor said, "the Court of Appeals is where policy is made (eyes widen in "oopsie" moment) I know, I know, this is on tape and I should never say that because (grins mischievously) we don't make law!"
Gee, wasn't she "special" to have caught on that the courts always make law while denying they do? Most of us caught on to that in 8th grade civics class, this special one needed a Federal appointment before catching on. Throw in the four "Ums", three "I knows", one "uh" and two "you knows" that abounded in that literally half a minute clip and you've got a lady who's as "special" an orator as she is a jurist. Fully as "special". Really.
That was enough for the Supreme Court. And the adjustment has been smooth. "We were going to have her as the janitor, but that requires a good deal of thought. Proper cleaning chemicals, etc. So we have her on the bench with us, where it really takes no effort at all to sit upright. Her questions may be silly, but have you read ours? She fits right in."
Indeed, Court Watchers say that we can actually expect no real change in direction or intelligence, in spite of the appointment. "After all", said one court watcher, "these folks have made a living at telling us that words in plain English mean the opposite as to what they say. How hard will it be for this special judge to join in playing make believe?"
Reached for comment, the Court's most special judge said, "I get to wear a black dress like I'm at a funeral! It's fun!"