Written by Alexandria177
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Wednesday, 21 October 2009

image for Suburban teen still waiting for his pot
"Trust me, the shits good!"

Lincoln, Nebraska - It is now hour five, and suburban boy Phillip Reardon is starting to think that the drug dealer he met may not be coming back.

It started when Phil and some of his friends decided that they wanted to try some weed, like his older brother does while away in college. Not knowing any dealer, Phil (16) offered to go to the bad side of Lincoln to find a dealer and get some.

Phil admits that he was partially motivated by his need to show off to Amber Jenkins, the girl in his fifth period English class, and one of the group of kids who decided to give pot a try. "I figured that if I volunteered to go the tough side of town she'd have more respect for me.", Phil related later.

However, in spite of years of experience in watching movies and cop TV shows, finding drugs wasn't quite as easy as most parents and teachers fear.

Finding the "tough side" of Lincoln, as he put it, was not difficult. And sure enough, there were plenty of minorities there who looked all "gangsta" as his friends thought of it. The trouble first came as to who to approach, as Phil was worried about his father's Lexus being carjacked.

"Each time I saw likely candidates, they were in groups of at least two. I didn't want to explain to my dad how I lost his car in these neighborhoods.", said Phil. "But finally I saw a woman standing alone, and figured, she probably can't get over on me, unless she has a gun."

But Phil decided that as he'd been cruising for two hours that it was worth a shot. He pulled up and rolled down the window, and was surprised when she immediately got in. She looked at him rather oddly and said, "Watchoo want? Head?"

A bit flustered at realizing what business the woman was in, Phil explained his desire for what he called a "dime bag". After correcting her impression that he wanted rock, she said that she could help him. And that it'd be $100.

After giving her the money, which was the sum total of what he and his friends had for this, she then started to leave. Feeling panic, Phil asked her where she was going, and she explained that she didn't carry it with her, so as not to be busted, but would go and get it from a guy she knew.

Phil did express a desire to accompany her, but she explained that the guy didn't like strangers, and it was safer this way. Besides, she'd only be a minute. Giving him a brief lipsticky kiss, she said, "Just wait right here, honey, I'll get you taken care of.", and with that, she departed in a swirl of designer imposter fragrance.

At first Phil was rather pleased with himself, and contemplated how cool everyone would think he was that he managed to pull it off. He thought about how this side of town wasn't so bad, and even felt better about himself as a man for having the courage to come here.

The area isn't even that bad, he thought, erroneously believing that his brief sojourn there was some how getting him used to "the streets". However, all these pleasant thoughts would soon fade, as time kept passing, and the woman kept not returning.

After two hours, Phil, while trying not to, couldn't help but believe that she wasn't actually going to return. However, as he had nothing else to do, and didn't want to go back to his friends empty handed, he stayed. And stayed. And stayed.

Now in hour five, Phil has the sad realization that not only does he not know the name of his robber, but that he could hardly call the police anyway. And further, that a group of tough looking "gangsta" types are eyeing him ominously, as it's been so long.

Frustrated and wounded in pride, a sadder and wiser Phil starts back up the car, and goes home to try and figure out what he can tell his friends so as to not look like the dork that he was.

Unbeknownst to Phil, approximately 20 minutes after he left, a local hooker rushed back to where she'd left him, with a bag of killer weed, heartbroken that she'd been delayed due to her mother needing to go to the hospital. She looked around for Phil for hours, and not finding him, went back home, cursing those suburban boys and their impatience.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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