Written by Thermophyle
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Monday, 19 October 2009

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Obama Nationalizes Cookie Industry

Yesterday in an effort to prevent more job losses in the small business arena, the Obama administration nationalized the Cookie Industry. Today Obama told reporters, "The Cookie Industry is the heart of American small business, and as American as apple pie. It is far too important to let this industry wither and die just because George Bush created the global recession wasting his time Dove hunting in Crawford, Texas."

The Pricewaterhouse accounting firm reported last month data showing that 595 small businesses failed in the first quarter of 2009, and still worse 14% more failed in the second quarter, a massive 67% higher than the first quarter of last year. A Cookie Industry lobbyist said in Washington last week that, "This is not the type of crisis any administration can ignore. The Cookie business failure rate is a full 3% greater than the general business failure rate. Because of the bad economy people are backing off on their cookie purchases. Cookie kiosks are closing in malls all over America. If we don't act soon the American Mall Cookie kiosk will be a thing of the past."

In an interview last week at the Great Mall of the Plains, in Lincoln, Nebraska, Cookie Kiosk owner Ima Simpleton said, "I have put my entire life savings into my cookie kiosk business and it was not fair that my business fails, not in America. What type of country are we becoming?"

Obama has committed to Congressional Republicans that this nationalization of the Cookie industry is only temporary. Obama has appropriated $27.6 billion for the industry even though it was previously estimated at $4.1 billion nation wide. When it was pointed out to the President that this was another example of government over spending, Obama laughed at their short-sightedness and explained he planned to employee far more people in the new National Peoples Cookie Consortium than were previously employed by the private sector.

Obama went on to say he would be appointing a new Cookie Czar in the coming weeks. Inside D.C. sources say the Keebler Elf is a front runner for this "sweet" position. The President added that this was another perfect example of where government could do a better job for the people than an industry left alone to be crushed and abused by Capitalism.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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