Written by Jalapenoman
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Friday, 16 October 2009

image for Jessica Simpson Marries Wal-Mart
The brides gown came off of aisle 27 and her undies from aisle 31

Jessica Simpson, a Hollywood personality mostly famous for having a really nice body, starring in a reality series, bringing bad luck to boyfriends, and being dumber than a box of rocks, announced that she secretly married Wal-Mart last week.

A spokesman for the groom gave the following statement to the press: "The law states that a corporation is a person and has the same rights as a person. Therefore, Ms. Simpson (now Mrs. Wal-Mart) has chosen to marry the world's largest retailer."

It is not known at this time whether or not a prenuptual agreement was signed by either side. If not, the bride could be expected to gain billions of dollars in assets if there were ever a divorce.

Bubba Walton, a distant third cousin of founder Sam Walton and owner of .003 percent of the stock in the company, has volunteered to represent Wal-Mart in the marriage bed. Bubba currently shags carts in the parking lot at a Rogers, Arkansas Wal-Mart. There has been no comment from Jessica.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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